Friday, March 14, 2008

Too much "free time" ??

Sometimes I wonder if I really do have “too much” free time on hand to dwell on mundane issues …

On 2nd thoughts, they are not really trivial. In my heart, I wanted to lead a simple life with no care in the world but somehow, in the deep recess of my mind, I do pinch myself sometimes for being back at Square 1… “neither here nor there” as what people used to say …

As I stop in my tracks to evaluate the path that I’ve taken and to map out the next step, I cant help but feel a little disoriented. Where do I go from here ? Do I have much choice or time to contemplate ? Am I still eligible to make the switch ? What is my market value ? Am I making the right choice ? Why should I even be too bothered if a job is just my means to earn a livelihood ? *sigh* Can you see how confused I am ?

Maybe I really did have a bad day today. In fact, for the last 2 weeks I have been craving for rich food, deep-fried food & tid-bits .. I’m finishing a packet of twisters as Im typing this … tell-tale sign that things are not going too well … *sigh* I need to go back to deep meditation which I’ve stopped for awhile. Hadn’t been practising my dance, hadn’t been exercising my vocals, hadn’t been jogging... This is one of the few times I feel really hopeless… *sigh* so down in the dumps ...

Never done anything right …. Never use brains … *sigh* whatever negative thoughts there can be will just surface… just felt so defeated…

30 mins later ….

*deep breath*

Yes, I’ve snapped out of my own misery through music therapy… mood is lighter now all thanks to David Tao, Ah-Mei, Li-Hom & this new kid on the block called Fang Da-Tong .. His compositions with jazz influence are really good !

Oh, just heard the main door opened. Think Mey’s back from work... another of my morale-booster !! Can hear her excited shouts from the door on some acoustic guitar course she signed up just now. Hah, hope it wont end up like the drums lessons she took a few years ago which she stopped halfway after buying some drumsticks and drum pad.

Things aint that bad izznt it ? Hmm …. I should do some meditation now .. think I will sleep even better thereafter …

Tibetan Nun ~ Om Mani Padme Hom 11:42 PM